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Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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Sunday, November 11th, 2007
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totally and completely right.
i'm in love. or perhaps, i should say ..we're in love. i was right about that boy, we have something SO special, i'm such a lucky girl. we've been together now ..since i posted that really, but "officially" for 7 months. doesn't sound like a long time, but it feels like forever. things are great, work is okay, i'm happy ..thinking about our future. i pretty much live with him, and his family but hopefully i can get into school [again ..different school] pay back loans and get out into our own place.
anyways, that's all. i'm in love. it feels good to say that ..be jealous people, i snagged the best one. :)
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Thursday, January 4th, 2007
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so it's been a long while since i posted anything on here, so i figured it was time.
i've been on break from school for the past three weeks, so that's been really nice. i like school and everything but i'm already itching to be done. i go back this monday [the 8th] so i'm really not looking forward to that. oh and, i'm very proud of myself. i got 3 A's and 3 A+'s this past semester. 4.0! i'm really happy. let's hope i can keep it up.
christmas was good. my dad and everyone spoiled me by giving me money, and i got to get a laptop, so i'm pretty effing excited about that. new year's was pretty good, went to jess and brian's for a house party. trying to get a cab home at 2:30am definetly wasn't the fun part of the night.
i've been talking to this guy, who i've known for years through a friend ..and always had a bit of a crush on, but i really didn't think he thought anything of me. i went to a party and he was there, i hadn't seen him in ..oh god, like ..a year almost. so we talked alot throughout the night and then we walked home together cause we live two streets away from eachother. and he says some stuff about how he saw me differently now, and learned something about me that night, and that he thinks we've always had this connection. i was excited, cause he's unbelievably SUPER shy, never had a girlfriend, totally out of character of him to say stuff like that ..to a girl. so i kissed him. and it was awkward, haha. but still good, in my opinion. so yeah now we've been talking on msn and i'm so anxious to see what happens. we've seen eachother twice since that night, with friends ..and it was definetly awkward and shy but really nice. he's seriously the nicest, cutest, smartest guy i've ever met. i'm really glad i saw him that night though, cause as i said before ..i'd always kinda had a thing for him but hadn't thought about it in ages cause i hadn't seen him ..so it refreshed my feelings for him. we're both overly shy so i think it'll take awhile for anything to happen ..but until then i'm perfectly content talking and getting more comfortable with eachother.
i'm keeping my fingers crossed, cause i really like this guy and i think it could be something special. i know i say that everytime i like a guy, but i think this one might different.
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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
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i was reading old entries in my good ol' lj and i have to say, i am highly embarrassed. someone really should have slapped me when they saw my ramblings containing words such as 'raa', 'yepyep', 'jus', 'whut', etc, etc.. i sincerely apologize to anyone who had to endure reading them. all i can say is, live and learn. boy, did i learn.
you're back. i'm confused.
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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:42 pm. |
| Mood: |  indifferent. | | Music: | rockstar supernova on tv.. |
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so i got into the school and program i wanted! i'm happy, yet scared. i haven't been to school in over 4 years so its kinda scary! i know i'll like the program ..i'm just really shy and going into it, not knowing anyone is freaking me out. i'm sure i'll make friends but for sure ..the first day, i'll be shitting myself. fun times.
nothing really else to report. just been hanging out, the usual stuff. went to the cottage this past weekend. had fun, but it was pretty uneventful ..not too exciting. oh well. nice weather and got some swimming in, so that's good. the summer is definetly going by way too fast. i'm not liking that!
went to the gym today after taking a ..3 month hiatus. just been pure lazy. i've been trying to go for walks, so at least ive been trying to stay a little active. i think its the nice weather, and also the humidity. going to the gym when it's that hot, is not appealing. hopefully i'll be able to get back on track, be able to lose some more weight before i start school.
anyways, i'm boring so that's all.
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| Time: | 12:35 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | fly at night - chilliwack.. |
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so i really have nothing exciting to update about but i figured it was time.
the summer's going good so far. been to the cottage twice. once was the may 2/4 weekend and it was cold so that wasn't much fun but oh well. and then we went this past weekend for like 5 days and that was alot of fun. lots of our family was up there along with their friends and some of ours. the lake was nice ..got a good hour and a half swim in. which wasn't enough in my opinion, i love swimming. i'm like, part fish. at least my family says that. had some margaritas and daquiris, good times.
now i'm off work for a week because my boss and his family went away to B.C. for a wedding, so that's nice. we're going up to the cottage again on friday with some friends, so that should be good. i love it there. except i get so lazy and eat such bad food. bad me!
i applied to two schools for the fall and got into the one i dont really want to go to, so i'm still waiting to hear from my first choice. i'm keeping my fingers crossed because i reallllly want to go back to school or else i'm going to be stuck at a dead end job for the rest of my life and i'd shoot myself if that happened. i want to take travel and tourism, because i really want to see the world, experience new cultures and meet interesting people. i think it would be fun to be able to plan trips for people, or be a tour guide in europe or something. so hopefully i hear from the school soon! i'm getting impatient.
i finally got my g1. that only took me ..uh, like 8 years. i could've gotten it when i was 16 so i'm a bit off but at least i got it now!
anyways, that's all i have to report about my kinda boring life. if anything exciting happens i'll make sure to write more about it.
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i'm just confirming my earlier post where i said that i'm retarded when it comes to guys. like heavily WHACKED. so i was seriously trying to avoid this guy at all costs because i was uncomfortable he'd try something or i'd have to tell him to back off. so he shows up at the bar we hang out at, on st. patrick's day. i wasnt surprised but i was uncomfortable. so he like ..caresses my leg, and i'm shy so i ignore it. and then he tells my cousin, when i wasn't around, that he really likes me and wondered if i had said anything to her, and he's worried that cause we were both drunk ..it was just a one time kinda thing. so i kind of lie to him and tell him that i don't remember much cause i don't want to give him the speech about thinking something was there and there really wasn't. NOW I LIKE HIM AGAIN. my god, i'm seriously a freak. he apologized for kissing me because i was obviously drunk, which i said he didnt have to cause i'm an adult and obviously wanted to or i wouldnt have. i think though ..that because i've only had one boyfriend ..even though i always thought i'd be so into having attention and actually being asked out would be great, i was wrong. i got scared. he came on too strong and that's the reason why i thought i didn't like him anymore. so i ended up leaving early that night and didn't really get to further explain anything to him ..so this week when i see him, i'm going to tell him that i didnt mean that i didnt like him, but i'll be completely honest with him and tell him he came on a little strong and i got scared. like ..he's good friends with all my friends but i dont know him all that well. so i'm going to tell him that i think we should hang out as friends and get to know eachother and then maybe take it to the next level when i'm ready. i still feel bad though. i know he wasn't mad or anything but we didnt really get a chance to talk and i have to wait all week to see him again ..i hope he doesnt like think i'm a bitch and completely write me off. i wasnt mean though when i said that stuff to him ..and he gave me a nice hug when i left, and i told him i'd probably see him next weekend. so hopefully that happens. he really is a nice guy and would probably be fun to date ..we'll just have to take it slow because apparently i'm a wimp. anyways, that's all really.
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that ew is to hangovers. especially ones that last 3+ days. i think i need to give up drinking. or at least only once in awhile. i have cut back though. when we were hanging out with our other friends a few months ago, we were drinking like 3 times a week. i'm not that bad anymore. my liver just can't take it.
i've come to a conclusion. well a few but yeah. i'm retarded. i think like a guy. well, i believe that in some cases girls are just as bad as guys but anyways. i love having crushes on guys. i have a new one all the time, my friends say i'm very fickle ..whateverrr. i know i am. so i crush heavily on these boys, and then seriously ..the minute they show interest, i want nothing to do with them and feel really uncomfortable. i love the chase! i admit it, i'm a chaser. and then nothing. this guy, whose really nice ..fun to hang out with, etc. tells me he likes me, and i had a crush on him. i was bombed at the time, but i guess that's no excuse ..but i kind of lead him on ..let him kiss me and said yes when he asked me out, and now i seriously feel the need to avoid him cause the thought of having to tell him that i'm not interested after i led him to believe i was, makes me really ..i dont even know. mad at myself for being retarded like that cause i know how i'd feel if it was the other way around. i wish there was something there, i thought there was ..but there isnt. i'm a bad person! my friends keep telling me it's not a big deal and everything but i hate to hurt people. and i dont mean that to sound arrogant, like ..he'd be crushed if he didnt get to be with me cause i know he wouldn't, we barely know eachother and haven't invested any large amount of time into anything but still. i just know how i'd feel if it was me, cause its happened to me before.
i've decided to say NO to crushes. everytime i say i have a 'crush' on a guy, it never works out. so byebye crush word. i really can't complain about being single, it is kinda fun being able to flirt and i do get my share of attention from boys [not the right ones] so i'm not desperate for a boyfriend but i do want one. i've just decided i need to try to stop focusing so much on it, and just let what's going to happen ..happen. whenever its supposed to. and i also need to stop randomly making out [or more .. really i'm not a whore! i just need to remind myself of that] with guys. i'm giving myself up too easily and i want respect. i know when you just ..whatever, right away, they don't respect you as much. and when i say that, i dont mean i sleep around. that's not my scene, still a virgin thank you very much. i'm not waiting for marriage, just the right guy.
anyways enough about that.
I NEED A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!! like for serious. i HATE my job. i seriously want to cry when i have to go to work. the people are nice but the job sucks the BIG one. i'm looking into options. new job, school, something, anything!! i need to find myself. find out what i want to do with my life. i need more of a career. something that i actually at least semi enjoy doing, that i can rely on, and be able to support myself with. help!!
so yeah, i'm sure there's more stuff i could rant about but i'm tired from stupid work and the gym. yay gym though! i feel really good about myself after i go. i'm on my way to being a sexy mama! [in my dreams, and not really a mama, cause i have no kids] but yeah, whatever!
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Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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| Subject: | wow. |
| Time: | 10:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  optimistic. | | Music: | my nan watching porn on tv. wish i was kidding!. |
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it has definetly been WAY too long since i posted last. i'm so sorry for neglecting you precious lj!
anyways, not much new has been happening. i live with my grandparents now, and my cousin [but shes practically living with her bf] and it's going really well so i'm pretty happy about that. i'm working, which is great with my track record of getting and quitting multiple jobs without even giving it a week to get used to. so yeah, i'm pretty proud of myself! i've been at this job for 2 months and ..it's a physical sorta job ..like lifting and bending [its a small family run cookie store/factory] but i'll put up with it cause i love love LOVE the people i work with. annnd i get a $1 raise in a month. SPIFFY. the only thing that sucks is, its not enough hours and we're in our slow time right now so i might really have to consider getting another part-time job. oh well! that's life.
yeah so i've just been hanging out with friends alot, drinking and other fun stuff. for the most part nowadays, i'm happy most of the time and i'm liking it. no boy yet, but right now i'm just having fun being single [for once i'm not desperately seeking] with my girl and guy friends. but i dooo love to flirt. i've lost like 15-20lbs over the last like ..3 months so i'm feeling a bit better about myself. i used to have so many panic attacks and not want to go out and like meet people but i barely get anxious anymore. i think its half losing some weight and half just getting it into my head that ..I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME. so yeah. life in general is ..pretty good i'd say. stay that way, please and thank you!! that's all i have to say for now. i'll try not to forget about you anymore lj.
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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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so.
i'm going to see the stones in september in toronto. OH YEAH!
life is still pretty poopy.
ah well.
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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mostly i just hate the fact that the real estate office calls, at 10:45am and wakes me up, askes me if someone can come through at 11am [15 minutes?!!!] like what the HELL?! and i feel bad, cause i dont want to limit people, and i want someone to buy our house quickly but urgh. i told them they'd have to come at 12pm instead. its so much cleaning, and tidying for them to come through for freakin 5 minutes.
the lady from new york called me, i was SO nervous but she was really nice and i could hear her daughter [2 1/2 years old] in the background and she sounded so cute! so now, i have to get my passport which im doing this week, but i also need to look into a visa to live temporarily in the states. im so confused though, cause i keep looking on all different sites and they all say a different thing. some say i need one. some say i dont. some say i can go there for 90 days without one, and then after that i'd need one. and it also says that even if i do get a visa, once i get into the states i have to go to the port of entry, and ASK them if i can come into the country, and they decide right there how long i can stay. thats kind of weird, but whatever. oh and that reminds me ..i have to send her references.
the o.c is on tonight and im so excited. i'm starting to really not like mischa barton, shes pretty annoying. oh well.
i have a dentist appointment on monday, i have to remember. yay fun. and i also have to hand in my passport application monday morning. tomorrow i have to get passport and visa pictures taken [poo] and thats it.
ok well the sun is coming in the window directly in my eyes and blinding me, so im done.
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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
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so.
yes.
uh huh.
i'm a retard.
so anyways, i need some encouragement. i applied on this website to be an au pair/nanny in different countries. so i'm talking to a few families [who btw pay from $100-$500 weekly, free room and board, free meals, and sometimes you can travel with their family] and this one family from New York [my absolute favorite, i've never been but its my dream!] who pay $300-$400 weekly and have one 2 year old girl, want me to go to montreal to have a preliminary interview with their friends and then they'd want me to fly down at their expense to have an interview with them. i SO want this, but im also SO scared cause im a shy wimp and ive never gone anywhere before ..like, ESPECIALLY on a freakin plane. so please give me some encouragement so that i wont pass up this opportunity like i always pass on things that i really want to do but are too scared to try.
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Sunday, September 12th, 2004
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.. i'm finally updating.
i really always look at lj and all my friends and stuff ..pretty much everyday, but i have nothing interesting to write down so yeah.
i went to the van morrison concert last week. i had fun. we went to the exhibition all day which was good but wayyy too hot. then the concert at 7pm. it was a good experience but i was sort of disappointed. he sang way too fast ..and they were all, changed ..like not sounding like the cd so it was impossible to sing along. then when we left [we left during the last song cause we didnt want to be stuck in labor day weekend traffic going up north] he rushed out of there so fast, he almost hit us. his entourage of airport cars raced out of there so fast, it was like he didnt even want to be there. oh well, it was still good and i had fun at my first concert [yes im a loser] and i still like van.
we've been house hunting sort of. kinda weird, and sad but it'll be different and hopefully fun to move somewhere new and all that. we've only looked at one place so far but i'm always looking on the mls for listings. the one we looked at was cute ..a little cottage by the beach but kinda too small im thinking and run down. a definite fixer-upper. we'll see. my mom is thinking about putting in a conditional offer. it'll have to be inspected and stuff.
my friend whose been living in b.c for a year said i could come out and stay/visit for awhile so im thinking about that. i need to get away. i'd really LOVE to go to france. especially to see jim's grave but for just the history and culture too. anyways, have to save for that. oh but first i need a job. im thinking about applying at chapter's cause i love reading so much. my kinda place.
anyways i think that's all that's going on in my boring life. ooohhhh i forgot. im so excited. MY SO-CALLED LIFE RERUNS ON THE FAMILY CHANNEL AT 11PM. this thrills me to no end. i love claire danes and jared leto, and used to religiously watch the show when it was on ..uh, 10 years ago i think. excitement.
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that's one of the best ways to describe my life right now. shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit. and it just makes it a little more entertaining when its shit, thats on a stick.
my mom and i have been fighting every chance we can get. sure some if it is all my fault and i shouldnt be getting mad over but god shes acting like a child. i want her to be happy [she thinks i dont] and i want her to have fun but i really dont think that the only thing in life to do is go to bars every night and get drunk. she has to understand where i'm coming from and she doesnt. its weird for me [and my brother] cause shes never gone out that much and acted like this. its hard to deal with such an extreme change. i'm so angry all the time and i hate it, but i'm not sure how to control it ..or not yell and her and try to deal with it in another way. i just dont know how.
i feel like she doesnt care about me anymore. she says she does, and i do know that she actually does ..it just doesnt feel like it. she gets mad when i try and talk to her about stuff ..tells me to stop worrying and shes going to do whatever she wants and its just so selfish. shes got all her priorities mixed up. shes got loads of time to spend at the bar, or with her bimbo friend ..or the girls from work which are MY AGE. but when it comes to me i'm just a burden and shes never got the time to just hang out with me. my stress and depression level is at an all time high and i dont know how to calm myself, or relax. and i also cant talk to my dad about it cause he gets depressed and mad at her and my brother starts world war 3 if he thinks im upset. im just really at the end of my rope and soon im going to explode.
i know that probably i'm being irrational too ..yelling at her and telling her that she cant go out and stuff but thats how i communicate. i dont know any other way.
my uncle is also getting on my nerves majorly and im gunna kick him in the face one of these days. soon im going to have to tell my mom if hes going to live with us when we move [she doesnt really want him to either] then im not going to live with her. althought im not sure she'd even care.
anyways ..enough of my pathetic complaints.
i'm going to my cottage on wednesday until maybe tuesday at the latest, and im really excited. i need to get away. and then when i get back im babysitting for my cousin and im staying up there so maybe a break would be good for me and my mom. hopefully when i get back things wont be so tense.
ugh, but then i have to start looking for a job and i really dont want to. i knowwww im 21 and i should already be working fulltime ..but i have a really hard time looking for jobs cause it scares me so much. i get so anxious thinking i have to have interviews and what if they hate me, or what if i mess up and make a fool out of myself?! i'm such a hopeless cause.
oh and i think since i started weight watchers, ive maybe lost 3 lbs already.
thats all.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
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| Subject: | epiphany. |
| Time: | 1:28 am. |
| Mood: |  okay. | | Music: | sex and city on the tv in the other room.. |
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i hope i spelled that right. oh well.
i came to the realizaton that im in LOVE with sex and the city. thats all.
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Saturday, April 17th, 2004
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| Time: | 7:31 pm. |
| Mood: |  anxious. | | Music: | none.. |
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it was crappy this morning which pissed me off because it was supposed to be like in the 70's and i was so looking forward to it. but anyways, its nice out now so thats good. i feel like sitting in my backyard with friends and having fun ..or going to the drive in ..or um, something thats like outdoors sorta. the warm weather makes me happy.
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so my mom is definite about seperating. i guess i'm still kinda in shock. i mean ..its set in, but not completely. i'm an adult now so i should be able to handle it ..but i dont think i can. i just keep thinking about my dad. he's bipolar [which is part of the reason they're unhappy] so i'm worried that this might make him even worse. i asked him to promise me today that he'd never do anything to hurt himself. he promised. just like ..what if my brother and i decide we both want to live with my mom, and then my uncle whose staying with us is my mom's brother so he'd go with her. and then that'd mean we'd need like a townhouse so we would most likely get the dogs [we have 3]. so if everyone was with my mom ..my dad would be completely alone. i sorta feel like i should go with him so he doesnt have to go through this alone but then ..i cant be without my mom. i think i'll have to rotate. i cant stand the thought of my dad being by himself. he'll feel so deserted and it breaks my heart to even think about that. he's sort of a loner, which if fine ..and i mean he has lots of people that care and will spend time with him but he doesnt have too many close friends so im worried.
for now ..we're all staying here because no one can afford to just find a place right now. we have to sell alot of stuff and then look into selling the house. my mom has alot of antiques so we might get a bit of money but i'm worried that this is going to be really bad financially for both of them.
i cant stop thinking about my dad telling me how devestated he was, and this is the most horrible thing that could happen.
when my brother came home from work [my dad had called him earlier in the day and told him what was going on cause he didnt know] he walked in and went straight to bed. i went down to kinda talk to him and we just hugged and he was kinda crying. i hate it when he cries. he doesnt show emotion alot so it was odd. i just kept saying that it'd be okay even though i dont really feel like it will be myself, but i didnt know what else to say. my dad went down and talked to him for awhile but i dont know how he is.
i dont want to move. i want things to magically be alright, and for my parents to be totally happy. i hate change.
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| Time: | 2:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. |
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so my parents are seperating. i want to die.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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i got up at 9am today. that is new for me. i usually only get up early if im going to work with my dad or have something to do, but i've been sleeping too late so i decided to try and change that. it kinda was because ker and i are going shopping sometime today for jenn's daughters birthday party. i just called her [keri] and nan said she was out with anth, which i knew they were hanging out for awhile cause he doesnt have school. but i hate that she doesnt answer her cell phone. like, i just want to know what time shes thinking we might go at. i want to be able to get ready in case she just calls and says 'ok lets go' and im not completely ready yet. i just hate waiting for phone calls and to go out. i dont even care if we dont go till like 5pm ..i just want to know.
its my cousins 25th birthday tonight so we're having a cake for that. tomorrow i'm working with my dad and then ker and i have to make sandwiches for the birthday party. then we're probably going to this bar in waterdown to see my cousin cam's band play. then sunday we're going to the birthday party. nothing exciting, but just having a constant stream of plans keeps me occupied and not feeling sorry for myself because im a loner hanging out at home by myself doing nothing.
i think i really want to get a tattoo. i want to get the word infinite in french [infini] just above my shoulder blade. i want it in cursive writing [black] but i want to put some sort of design with it. whether it be my birth sign [aries] or like some stars or something. i cant decide and i suck so bad at art so i cant even try and illustrate how i'd want it.
but yea, that's all.
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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crunchypink's journal
loved.
embarrassed.
contemplative.
depressed.
mellow.